An enemy is just a friend you haven’t made yet

An enemy is just a friend you haven’t made yet

I’m not gonna give up, and neither should you

I’m not gonna give up, and neither should you

There’s a researcher in Canada who was looking at the injury rates between boys and girls — boys, by toddlerhood, are two to four times more likely to be injured than girls are, and their injuries tend to be more serious, and she was trying to uncover what was behind that. She was actually on maternity leave with her oldest son and spent a lot of time on playgrounds, and what she saw was this really striking difference in how boys and girls are encouraged, or not encouraged, to deal with risk. So she did a series of studies with little boys and girls on a playground, and she had parents teach their kids to slide down a pole like you’d see at a firehouse. And what she found is that boys were much more likely to be encouraged to be independent, while girls were much more likely to be cautioned about safety, about danger. Even though boys and girls had the same skill level — both boys and girls were equally adept at actually using the equipment — the way parents treated them was very different, to the point where even when boys actually asked for help, parents said no. A couple of boys tumbled to the ground off this fire-station pole because they couldn’t do it without assistance, and they were left on their own.

So while this kind of parenting may help protect girls physically, the research suggests that it also contributes to this feeling of vulnerability, that the world is a dangerous place. Because the message that sends to girls — encouraging them to be very cautious and always highlighting safety and danger — is that the world is a dangerous place, and that they can’t cope on their own. And that feeling of vulnerability of course is a core belief of anxiety as well.

[Another] study had young children who were told to make a world out of these sand toys with their parents. And what they found is, parents were much more likely to praise their sons when they were being assertive or independent, when they were telling their parents where to put a toy or directing the play. But when girls did that, parents were much more likely to talk over their children, ignore them, or dissuade what they were saying. So the message that sends is that you don’t have control over your experience, over your world.

There’s a researcher in Canada who was looking at the injury rates between boys and girls — boys, by toddlerhood, are two to four times more likely to be injured than girls are, and their injuries tend to be more serious, and she was trying to uncover what was behind that. She was actually on maternity leave with her oldest son and spent a lot of time on playgrounds, and what she saw was this really striking difference in how boys and girls are encouraged, or not encouraged, to deal with risk. So she did a series of studies with little boys and girls on a playground, and she had parents teach their kids to slide down a pole like you’d see at a firehouse. And what she found is that boys were much more likely to be encouraged to be independent, while girls were much more likely to be cautioned about safety, about danger. Even though boys and girls had the same skill level — both boys and girls were equally adept at actually using the equipment — the way parents treated them was very different, to the point where even when boys actually asked for help, parents said no. A couple of boys tumbled to the ground off this fire-station pole because they couldn’t do it without assistance, and they were left on their own.

So while this kind of parenting may help protect girls physically, the research suggests that it also contributes to this feeling of vulnerability, that the world is a dangerous place. Because the message that sends to girls — encouraging them to be very cautious and always highlighting safety and danger — is that the world is a dangerous place, and that they can’t cope on their own. And that feeling of vulnerability of course is a core belief of anxiety as well.

[Another] study had young children who were told to make a world out of these sand toys with their parents. And what they found is, parents were much more likely to praise their sons when they were being assertive or independent, when they were telling their parents where to put a toy or directing the play. But when girls did that, parents were much more likely to talk over their children, ignore them, or dissuade what they were saying. So the message that sends is that you don’t have control over your experience, over your world.

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter & lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter & lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.